★Aneesa

★Aneesa

[Nov. 25th, 2009|02:06 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	tired	]
[	Current Music	\|	Flowers In The Window - Travis	]

If I said I'm okay, would you believe me? I wouldn't believe myself either. I mean I'm okay sometimes. When I'm with friends, at school, being distracted by the mounting pile of assignments that needs my attention. But long bus rides and showers get me thinking. It's funny though, I feel sad and really want to cry but something inside stops me. Which is good, right? Maybe I'm out of tears. At home, my mom's so sad I don't even know what to do. I try my best to cheer her up. Tell her my grandmother's in a super awesome place now. I try to be happy but her sadness gets to me. I don't blame her though. If my heart feels so heavy yet empty, what about my mom's? If that happened to me, hell, I would cry for weeks, months, years. I must learn to cherish my loved ones more than I already do.

Last Wednesday, my cousin called to say we should visit my grandmother the next day. Who would have known? Mikhail and Papa were supposed to wear their jubah Mama bought for them from Dubai on our next visit. I'm very sure my grandmother would have been amused. We were supposed to have a mega family BBQ in 2011 when Kakak Tahyah will turn 25, I turn 21 and Mikhail turn 20. Milestones of our lives, and I have always pictured my grandmother there with us. Now, whose going to constantly remind us not to smoke and get tattoos? I will always remember how we used to joke with my grandmother that Mikhail has a tattoo on his butt every time she said we were not allowed to get tattoos. And how she would ask me if I was still studying, what was I studying. "Kira kira." "Bagus ah, kerja kat bank." I didn't know how to tell her that accountants do not work in banks so I just agreed.

I wish I could turn back time. Spend a little more time with my grandmother then maybe I won't feel this bad. I have never had any regrets till now. Oh well, LIFE.

On a ditzy note, I am so absent-minded. I was pretty sure I had driving today and was on 162 on the way to Yio Chu Kang when I don't know why/what made me check my iPod Calendar only to realise that driving is actually on Thursday. Okay, you may laugh. It's quite funny.

Audit "stock take" tomorrow. What's the point of e-learning week, you tell meeeee! ):

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I miss this

[Nov. 20th, 2009|09:07 pm]

[

Current Mood

sad

]

Us: "Assalamualaikum!"
Nenek: "Walaikum assalam! Siapa tu?" (Who's there?)

Us: "Orang jahad! *teeheehee*" (Bad guys!)
*Door opens*
Nenek: "Eh eh, cu cu aku! :D" (Eh eh, my grandkids!)

I love you, Nenek. Did I ever tell you that?

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I love my nenek	[Nov. 20th, 2009\|12:39 am]
From Him we came and to Him we shall return. Today, I lost one of the most important persons in my life. I'd do/give anything to hear my nenek say "Dah makan?", "Makan apa?", "Naan? Naan tu apa?", "Eh, pakai macam gitu tak sejuk ke?" again. I've so many regrets right now. I really think I'm such a terrible grand-daughter. "Biler nak datang lagi?" "Minggu depan." Sometimes my "minggu depan" is more than a week. "School holiday tidur sini eh?" How many times? The last time I went to visit her a month ago, she was asleep. Why didn't I wake her up? The times I visited her in the hospital, she was asleep. Why are humans made to cherish someone more after they're gone? I'm angry at myself for having so many regrets. Angry at myself for crying so much when I shouldn't. The rain made me cry harder just when we were heading for the cemetery. I still cannot believe that my grandmother - the one who took care of me and my brother when we were young (best years of my life), the one who took us to Bedok market every other morning to buy us tau huay jiu, the one who cooked the best sambal sotong - is now buried six feet underground. I take comfort in the fact that she passed on peacefully and that she's resting in a wonderful place right now. Every night, I'll pray for her and us to be one big happy family again in Heaven in the Hereafter. As much as I love my grandmother and want her back, I know Allah loves her more.
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I can't sleep

[Nov. 14th, 2009|05:35 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	calm	]
[	Current Music	\|	I'm A Wonder - The Cab	]

Mikhail: "Eh, why McDonald's bring back garlic chilli sauce?"
Me: "I don't know."
Mikhail: "I think they saw the Facebook group 'bring back McDonald's garlic chilli sauce'."

I never really did like the garlic chilli sauce. My brother is so funny though. He answered his own question.

Dental appointment later on in the afternoon to tighten my retainers. Confirm will hurt like !@#$%^&*. I won't even dare to take my retainers off to eat so I'll just eat with them on. Very gross, I know. I can already feel the pain.

I suddenly feel like drinking chinchow from Tanjong Pagar market!

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Awesome people

[Nov. 8th, 2009|09:16 pm]

[	Current Mood	\|	hyper	]
[	Current Music	\|	You're Not Alone - Saosin	]

Hi wonderful team mates, let's play well tomorrow! We can do it!

1 2 3, NGEE ANN!

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Catch up, ketchup

[Nov. 7th, 2009|01:30 am]

[	Current Mood	\|	sick	]
[	Current Music	\|	Tired Of Waiting - 2PM	]

I just screamed, ran to my brother's room and woke my family up thanks to Hui Xian. I need a pacemaker. Still in immense shock. I'm going to have nightmares tonight.

One last training later in the evening and it's our very first game on Monday! Nervous like mad. Plus I think I'm falling sick. ):

I've been eating Macs for the past five days. Apple pie of my eye every single day. I <3.

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